


Nothing like us

by Justayne



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Cancer, F/F, I cried a bit, I swear, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide Notes, but then it happens, it was cute at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 15:05:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10414869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justayne/pseuds/Justayne





	

Raphael and Simon, everybody knew their story, how weird it had started, how good it was the time it lasted. They met at Java Jones when Raphael was fifteen, and Simon was seventeen and as cliché as it may sound, they immediately fell in love with each other, but neither of them could see the way the other was looking at them. They became friends thanks to Magnus, Alec’s boyfriend and Alec was in the group of friends where Simon belonged. To be honest, at first, Simon thought that Raphael hated Simon with his guts, that he thought that he was the worst person ever. He thought that he was interested in Isabelle because he was seeing her all alone, he went to her house each time he could which made Simon burn with jealousy because he couldn’t simply stand it. But dear, he was so wrong. The first reason that made Raphael go there was because he teached her how to cook, then they talked about their respectives crushes, who were Simon and Clary. The people they thought they could never have. But they finally had them to themselves. One day, when Isabelle had urged towards Clary to kiss her, it made Simon feel brave enough to do the same with Raphael, and that’s how, when they were sixteen and eighteen, they became a couple. Everything was going just right at that moment, it had for years. They went on many many dates. They lived together as soon as Raphael was eighteen and promised each other than one day, they’ll marry each other. Simon worked as an accountant and on the side, he was in a band who changed name every other day. Raphael, on the other hand was still working in a coffee shop and in College to become a literature teacher. They thought they had their life planned, they were so in love, but at the same time, they were so wrong.

 

It all went downhill when they were 21 and 23 years old. One day, after several months of pain and a few weeks where Raphael had to puke, they decided to go to the doctor. Raphael kept saying that it was probably nothing, that maybe he was pregnant as a joke, but Simon was so serious.As if he knew that something terrible was going to happen. And it happened because a few days later, he was diagnosed. He had a generalized cancer, which was incurable. He only had almost a year left if he took a traitement and a few months left if he didn’t take it. The decision that made Raphael was horrible to Simon because he just choose to not take the traitement because why take some poison if he couldn’t even survive this ? He wanted to be aware of what was going to happen in his life since she was going to be so much shorter by now. As the time passes, the months became weeks and the weeks became days. And the day that Simon thought would never happen happened when nobody expected it. It was a day where Simon and Raphael passed their day cuddling, watching TV and Simon was happy to have him in his arms. He was happy because he looked at his boyfriend and saw a smile wider than his. He thought that he really was happy when all Raphael did was fake it all. He could sense that he wasn’t going to last long because he passed all the night puking blood in the toilet, he was exhausted and could feel the pain everywhere in his body, it was such a torture but he kept smiling for Simon. He wanted him to enjoy their last moment, not to worry. And that day, when Simon was headed out to search some food he knew Raphael wouldn’t eat because it seemed like he would throw it up the second after, the fact that his boyfriend kept saying that he loved him in a little voice hasn't even alarmed him. He just thought that he was tired. That he was just falling asleep, and in the time Simon was out, he did. The thing is that he never woke up.

 

For months, Simon was devastated. He kept crying, he kept isolating himself. He kept snapping at people who reminded him of Raphael because he was so heartbroken, because he wasn’t even there when the thing happened. He went to therapy, they told him to take medicine, but he didn’t. Every day, he wrote letters to Raphael he put on his grave, and it saddened everybody to see how much this had broken him, how much he wasn’t his true self. One day, he even punched Jace in the face because he said that Raphael was selfish because he should have broken up with Simon way before dying so he wouldn’t suffer this much now, and Simon punched him hard because he was happy for the time it lasted. He was happy that Raphael stayed by his side. After this story, a lot of people turned their back at Simon. Jace, Meliorn, Alec, Magnus, Izzy. Even Clary stopped coming by everyday. She came less and less and he felt the will to live less and less. But he kept living, he kept writing letters to Raphael every day for a few months.

 

It was one year later, when Simon was 25 that he stayed 25 for the rest of his life. It was his sister who found him lying on his bed in his own blood, a full box of pills empty by his side along with a letter. She didn’t even read it before calling the ambulance, but it was too late. He was dead and no one even noticed at first in his group of friends. When they heard the news, they were devastated. Clary cried for a week and the others felt guilty, they thought that it was their fault, that they should have stayed by his side, helping him through this instead of leaving him. It was a at his funeral, as it was written on the envelope that they finally read the letter. It was Alec who read it, nobody else could stand doing it. He opened it, a letter with some drops of blood on it. It made his heart sinks.

 

“ _Dear Mom, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for dying like this when you think it such a sin to decide when you want to end your life. I’m sorry that I lost everything you helped me find : My job, my love, my house, myself. I’m sorry that I couldn’t make you prouder of me. I’m sorry I didn’t turn out the way you wanted me to be. I’m sorry to be such a disappointment to you._ “ For a moment, Alec regretted reading it to everybody when he saw Elaine burst in sobs because she just discovered that Simon thought that all she saw in him was disappointment. “ _Rebecca and everybody else. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done this and make you all sad, all guilty,  but don’t worry. It wasn’t your fault. I did it because I hurted too much. My heart was bleeding. And don’t think that you could have saved me, please. I’ve fallen too deep for you to help me out. Even the longest rope you could throw wouldn’t reached me. I love you all more than you could possibly imagine. I am sorry for the pain I will cause for you. I really am. I am sorry for everything.”_ At this point, everybody was crying, even Alec. It was hard to do anything else, really. Even more when all they thought was that they were never going to see this sunshine that was Simon Lewis ever again. But then, he read aloud the last paragraph. “ _I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you Raphael, at the end of the road. I’m sorry that I haven’t write to you. I mean, it’s been awhile since Iast wrote to you, but don’t worry. I was just a little bit blue. I’m sorry for the blood on the paper, to be honest, I’m not feeling well at all. The doctors said to take medicines, but I doubt it’d help. They keep asking me about you, about your death and it hurts to remember. It hurts to think about you. I still love you, you know. I always will. And I miss you more than anything. It’s hard to finish because there’s blood everywhere… I’m coming to see you, please open the door.”_

 

And that was the end of them in the living world. All of them had disappeared, they only were memories. But in the afterlife, they were together. They were in love again. They found each other.


End file.
